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June 23rd, 2006 Posted in The SandGram v1.0

An Open letter to Congressmen John Murtha

Dear Sir,
I know you have been taking a lot of heat lately about your stance on the Marine Corps and the war on Iraq. Know a secret? I just compare you to Lord Darth Vader from “Star Wars.” He, too, was once part of a band of elite fighters, the Jedi Knights, who protected the universe from the dark powers of the “The Force.”
Much like Vader, you succumbed to the dark side of the Force, which blinds you as to the damage you truly cause. It’s no fault of your own; the swell of power that radiates from Washington D.C., can cause any normal person to morph into a dark, sinister person.
Now, I’d like to help you on the war in Iraq. I understand you want our troops out ASAP and short of just dropping tactical nukes on the whole region, we have to figure out a reasonable approach to withdraw our guys and gals. After much thought, here is the answer… “SEX.” Three letters will free an entire region from the grip of these religious leaders and awaken these people to some of the simple pleasures that God has given us and get their minds off jihad.
See, here is the problem and mind you, these observations come from a book titled, The Arab Mind, and some of my own experiences of flying around the world. The culture in the Mideast says, “Women are for babies, men are for fun.” This means young girls are forbidden from having sex until they are married, or face being stoned to death by their religious leaders (this is a religion of peace mind you). Thus, young boys entering puberty are forced to engage in sex with men, and while technically I’m told this isn’t really legal, they just overlook it. According to Wikipedia, when you type in Homosexuality and Islam, Justin Richardson, a professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, says such thinking is backward – it is precisely the extreme restrictions on sexual relations with women that lead to greater prevalence of the behavior. “In some Muslim societies where the prohibition against premarital heterosexual intercourse is extremely high—higher than that against sex between men—you will find men having sex with other males not because they find them most attractive of all but because they find them most attractive of the limited options available to them.”Heck, why do you think our greatest American “King of Pop” took off to live in the Middle East as soon as his trial was over???
No, if you were a young man, raised in that peaceful culture, and were being buggered by your next door neighbor or the boys at school, but all the time wishing you could date a girl, wouldn’t you strap a bomb on your chest and kill yourself too? Think about it—they blow themselves up so that they can have 72 virgins. They wouldn’t know what to do with a girl, but the idea of getting 72 of them is so strong, they are willing to kill themselves. Have you ever wondered why American Muslims aren’t walking into the local Supermarket with C-4 strapped to their chest? I’m sure some radical Imans here in the states have asked a young kid to do his duty so he can go to heaven with 72 hot chicks. The kid is probably nodding his head “yes,” but thinking, “This guy is whacked out of his gourd, I have 100 Virgins in my school right now and sex is no big thing for me, so why the hell would I have to kill myself?”
Back to my cheap solution to the entire problem in the Middle East brought on by centuries of Medieval thought. Just park a satellite directly over the Middle East and beam down free Porno to the masses. We have it on our Dish network, just make it free and send everything down from the skies so that all males, whether a boy, teenager, or man in these countries can view the sinful pleasures of sex with a woman. We export everything else that they despise, but love deep down, so why not Porn??? If a young guy realized there really are such creatures baring everything, maybe they would choose to stay home vice going out to kill themselves. Can you imagine the total disarray that would ensue? Boys skipping noon worship and IED digging duties to watch “Debbie Does Dallas???”
Anyway, just set up a commission to study this idea, and it would cost less then all the money spent investigating Karl Rove or money wasted by those fine taxpayers from New Orleans. Just a thought for you to chew on and think about because I know that deep down in your soul, there still resides the core values that you once held when you were a Marine, and like what happened to Darth Vader, you, too, will also wake up to those feeling again. Good luck Sir and may the Force be with you.
Semper Fi,
Taco

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