Military stories from past to present, both wars.

How to Annoy your XO

October 9th, 2006 Posted in The SandGram v1.0

How To Annoy your XO…

Back when I was a young officer and member of the JOPA (junior officer protection association), it was us against the field grade. The follow list is a collection of things you can do to annoy your Executive Officer. Our XO in my first fleet Squadron was a real piece of work. His job was the “bad cop” and he played it well. Lets say that his name was Major Ima Pain, call sign “Sunshine” because of the stuff he didn’t blow up your rear. Funny thing is I got along with him great because I figured out that if you gave him crap back he left you alone.
It was our job as the junior company grade officers to harass him as much as we could possibly get away with. So, this is a short list of what you can do to drive your XO nuts and things that we did. Of course, I didn’t do anything, but am just passing on things that others did. Feel free to do the same things to your XO if you would like, and leave me some stories at ‘Thesandgram’ at yahoo dot com, and I will put together a collection of stories for the blog.

1. Have the boys down in the flight equipment shop make up a set of name tags with his name on it but with your rank. Then when you go on the road (trip) you put his name on your flight suit and jacket. This works wonders when word gets back to the Squadron about the wild antics of Lt. Ima Pain in the Rota O’Club.
2. When he is on leave, put his house up for sale. The next day when he returns to work…priceless!
3. If he is follicly challenged and does the comb-over, go to yard sales and buy broken hair dryers, then leave them on top of his wall locker in the shower room.
4. Also, half used bottles of hotel shampoo work well placed on his locker.
5. When no one is around, change his callsign on the Squadron Ops board from “SunShine” to “Santa” or “Tigger” or “Teddy Bear” something that a kinder gentler type guy would like.
6. If you have friends in the police office, pass and tags division, then snag a couple of Generals Stars that you put on the windshield next to his DOD sticker of his beat up old crappy Volvo. Going from a Major to a General isn’t too bad…
7. Put a glass half full of milk on the bottom shelf of his book case. It will take him about a week to figure out that smell.
8. Put some hard core Italian Porno mags in his suitcase while his bags are strapped down in the back of the cargo bay, only on the last leg of the trip right before you land.
9. Wait about three months when he stops searching his suitcases after a trip and then sneak some gay porn in his bag…Then imagine what excuses he is telling his wife that night…
10. Sneak in his office and write “Gay national pride day” on every third Friday of each month.
11. Leave bottles of butter milk in the fridge down in the ready room with his name on it.
12. Always spell his name wrong on the flight schedule to Ime Paine.
13. Leave a post it note on his desk with a message to call the Group C.O. at a certain number and then go to each place and have them say “Sir, he was just here and left for the base barber shop, call him at 919-466-6079, then have Moe over at the shop send him to the seven day store, etc. etc. etc. this one takes some coordination but is lots of fun.
14. Put your empty beer cans in his office trash can.
15. Finally, give his name out to all the nasty local gals you meet in Havelock NC at the local Men’s club…with his office phone number and say “Give me a shout and we’ll meet for lunch.”

Well, I have to fly to England and Norway, you guys have a great week and I’ll catch you on the flip side.


  1. 74 Responses to “How to Annoy your XO”

  2. By Mrs. Diva on Oct 16, 2006

    Listen up U Know Who…it was legitimate work! REALLY:) Ask Bridget, or Karen, or GN, or Sis. Awww crap never mind.

  3. By bridget on Oct 16, 2006

    Legit? Hmmmm I don’t know….
    HEY I got my AnySoldier Calendars today!!!!HAPPY DANCE!!!
    Thank you to GN and Mama Taco and all who worked so hard on them!

  4. By mrs455 on Oct 16, 2006

    OMG! Yesterday when I checked there were 31 comments. I check tonight and you guys have been NAUGHTY and I’m so po’d that I missed out! Dang it!

    You raise money for anysoldier/anymarine, we should asked some of our guys here to put up some photos of themselves for us to bid on!

    I didn’t buy a new horse this summer, so my ‘horse’ fund can still go to another ‘stud’ …ah…picture of course!

    And I haven’t gotten my calendars yet! (pout)

    Oh..Major Pain…Operation Fat Panties should fell another victim tomorrow! (evil laugh)

  5. By Sammy D on Oct 16, 2006

    Mrs. 455 – you never know where or when that naughty bird is gonna land, but one thing’s for sure – AFSis will be “flying with the bird”.

    Actually two thing’s for sure – GN (bless her ever-sewin’ heart) will be late to the party.

  6. By Mrs. Diva on Oct 16, 2006

    The calendars are apparently not being sent to those of us in the western part of the country:( SammyD we might have to get the “other” kind.

  7. By Tacobell on Oct 17, 2006

    Hey ladies,
    Easy!!!! Easy!!!! I can’t believe you are putting this Xrated stuff on such a rated G site… ha!! You guys crack me up…
    For the Wash board bodies, go buy that Marine Recon product… they don’t want the fat bodied Major Pilots on that copy!! ha!!
    Take care,

  8. By CT Annie AnySoldier/Marine Supporter on Oct 17, 2006

    AnySoldier/ Calendar verses Freedom Is Not Free Marine Calendar.
    There is No doubt which Calendar of “Real Active Enlisted” is the number 1 choice to display with Honor in one’s Home.
    I’m glad to see that did not go the way that the other Marine calendar went.
    Like to see MAJ Bell and MAJ B go on the “Today Show” to promote the calendar just as the other Marines did for their calendar.
    Just a thought…

  9. By GunnNutt on Oct 17, 2006

    Someone’s got to maintain decorum on this site! The author certainly won’t since he’s always in the air and he’s blocked Mama from anything but commenting. From the looks of it, Taco is now encouraging this perfidity!

    I was trying to get Concerned Grunt to put his SSN away and stop teasing the Church Ladies. They put away their “seein’ up close” spectacles and got out the field glasses, pushing a shoving each other to see the number on his card!

    I’m going to have to buy a few of those Marine Recon calendars to lure the old biddies back to the table. (Yeah, that’s the ticket! It’s for the Church Ladies *snicker*) Oh, hush!

  10. By GunnNutt on Oct 17, 2006

    Psssst – CT Annie – What were the Marines wearing on the Today show?

  11. By bridget on Oct 17, 2006

    Heck, I can’t get those beefcake calendars….I’m saving up to outbid Karen I!

  12. By bridget on Oct 17, 2006

    If you read the “Day by Day” cartoons…go look at today’s (Mon)
    they must be reading this blog LOL

  13. By Ms. B'having on Oct 17, 2006

    CT Annie – well now you’ve made me realize that I must stop having fun and do my duty. As a longtime AnyS supporter, I MUST buy ALL the Six-Pack calendars to get them out of the marketplace. That way, even the debauched Church Ladies will have to walk the straight and narrow. Yup it’s my duty. Puttin’ in my order for ALL of ’em right now.

    And what WERE those honey-LIKS wearing on the Today show? I bet Katie Couric is gnashing in her knickers that she left before that interview!!!!!!!!!

    GN can I borrow your field glasses?

  14. By Ms. Ain't B'having on Oct 17, 2006

    Ooooooh GN, excellent question! We can only imagine:) *sigh*

  15. By Karen I. on Oct 17, 2006

    Well, if I get my wayward neices beefcake calendars for Christmas, I can take it out of the Christmas Club and still have my proplellor fund in tact.The non-wayward niece (just one )can have one of the unsigned any soldier ones (I keep the signed one).Sounds like a plan, and I DO want what Taco promised us.
    Sorry, I can’t vouch for Mrs. Diva as she insulted the Packer Cheerleaders over at the blog.

  16. By Maj Pain on Oct 17, 2006

    What would your mothers think? Bad girls…….Taco run for the Mtns, they have you no helmet pic!

  17. By Sammy D on Oct 17, 2006

    Karen – that sounds like sound financial planning, and combining it with gift giving…. I’m impressed with your multitasking savvy.

  18. By Cheryl Friend on Oct 17, 2006

    I must say that I am disappointed that the calendars being mailed to the Midwest didn’t arrive today! Well, I can still dream tonight! Honey, where is your tootsie pop?

  19. By Karen I. on Oct 17, 2006

    Thankyou Sammy D., and there is even more multitasking involved to inspect the full-sized pictures for quality control at the printers. If sealed when they come, I’ll have to open all of them ahead of time so no one asked why hers was sealed and the other ones was not, or else I could use the vaccuum pack sealer I used on the ears of corn. Well nuf said by me.

  20. By Tacobell on Oct 17, 2006

    OK, that’s it!!! Who has the connections out there to put Maj Pain and Maj Taco on Good morning America or Fox news???? Someone out there knows someone. Let us know, I say Dress Blues or Mess Dress, what do you think Major Pain???
    (stuck in St Johns but internet friendly)

  21. By Anonymous on Oct 17, 2006

    Why Taco aren’t you lucky comment “69”!

  22. By AFSister on Oct 17, 2006

    BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA… Commenter #69… SO perfect.

    As for the rest of it, I must confess I was more than a bit naughty yesterday and was encouraged by at least one of the church ladies. Heh. Sometimes, I’m easy.

  23. By Ms. Ain't B'having on Oct 17, 2006

    Why bless his heart! He did draw the lucky number, didn’t he? LOL

    Uh Sis? I have NO idea who encouraged you, but “Sometimes, I’m easy.” *snort* SOMETIMES? *snicker*

  24. By AFSister on Oct 18, 2006

    Well, it’s true. I’m very hard (headed) with a *lot* of soft edges… hehe

  25. By Cheryl Ann on Oct 18, 2006

    Yes! The anysoldier calendar. Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner! It is really cool! Hope you all get yours soon too!

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